


Unicorn Pussy

by friedhotsauce



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Bestiality, Explicit Language, F/M, Graphic Description, Other, Sexual Content, Weird Plot Shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-11
Updated: 2013-10-11
Packaged: 2017-12-29 01:38:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/999340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friedhotsauce/pseuds/friedhotsauce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Balin has his fair share of secrets, such as everyone else. But a sleepless night during the company's stop in Rivendell, has the dwarf chasing after one of them. And the white bearded elder suddenly finds himself with enough energy to meet up with an old, four-legged friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unicorn Pussy

                The un-ignorable group of rowdy dwarves were starting to wind their excitement down, as the night’s presence loomed. Their corridors within the ‘last homely house’, designated by Lord Elrond, were starting to fill with loud snoring rather than laughter. All drifted into a comfortable slumber, all except Balin. The elder dwarf lay uncomfortably awake as he listened to his younger brother Dwalin, sleep talk.

“Oh miss daffodil, your petals are exceptionally yellow today.” 

Balin rolled his eyes at Dwalin’s strange fantasy. 

“Oh yeah baby, I wanna be your bumble bee tonight!”

The elder dwarf rose from his sleeping bag in tired annoyance. It had been a long while since he last had a dream, such as the one his brother happily lay in. And Balin felt a twinge of jealousy course through his conscious. Suddenly, his ears picked up heavy and unsteady footsteps, making their way through the hallway next to the room. A sort of drunk chortle sliced through the chorus of snores, and Balin in his unusual alertness, went to investigate. He peeked through a crack in the door and observed two elven guards, bumping into each other and the walls in an alcoholic stupor.

“That was the best time I have ever had in my life!” One of them announced.

“See, I said you would forget about that cheating bitch in an instant.” The other guard replied.

“Your right about that! I should go downtown at night more often.

“Okay okay, downtown is nice and all, but I want to know what really went down. How did it go?”

“Aw man, it was amazing! I didn’t know unicorns were so, so flexible!”

Balin pulled his body from his spying position in unexpected surprise. Unicorn? Downtown? Flexible? Those key words along with the dark purple sky signalled one thing to him: Donna the unicorn was back in business. With a renewed energy surging through his veins, the old dwarf raced on tip toes to the nearest exit. He dodged many none-the-wiser guards, by hiding behind wide columns, which supported the palace. Finally, Balin looked over his shoulder to see the magnificent building resting atop its tall slope. Quickly passing by the last bit of elegant housing, the white bearded dwarf, entered through the open gates of downtown Rivendell. He closed his eyes fondly, as the scents of the city triggered memories of a youthful time.

 

                “Watch it ya old fuck!” An elf screamed as he whizzed by Balin on a dilapidated horse. The elder bolted his eyes open, turned to the fellow galloping away, and stuck up his middle fingers. _It’s good to be back_ , he grinned to himself. Tonight his goal was to see Donna again. But before that, he decided to treat himself to some street narcotics. The elder strolled up to a group of giggling elf teenagers.

“Hello there children!”

They menacingly faced the dwarf. “What do you want?”

“Uh, what’cha got there?” He asked, trying to keep his composure.

“Oh you want some of this?” One of the youngsters waved a clear bag of marijuana in front of his face.

“My oh my, I have never experienced such a weed as that in my pipe before. Do you think it’ll help with my sciatica? My back has been aching for months now. None of the medicine the chemists offered have had any effect, and-“

“Man, just let him sample an ounce,” one of the teens suggested to the group’s ‘leader’.

“Fine.” The annoyed young elf tossed Balin a small pouch. “Now get lost.”

“Of course, thank-you.” The dwarf bowed. He strode away in a fast pace, and chuckled, “stupid kids.” He then expertly lighted his wooden pipe, and inhaled the weed like it was a returning lover.

 

                Balin stopped and craned his neck to make sure he had arrived at the correct place. A red painted building stood squarely between a row of foreclosed restaurants. The elder deeply inhaled another draw from his pipe and ventured into ‘Club Imladris’. The interior echoed with the smooth sound of brass instruments, and scents of cheap perfume and alcohol. Yes, Balin was indeed in the right place. He continued into the smoky atmosphere. The walls were lined with decorated booths; each held a few sleazy males, and one or two lavishly dressed females. The dwarf wandered to the lone bar at the back, and wearily sat down. If Donna was in town, there was no doubt she’d be far too busy for him. His pessimistic thoughts proceeded until, the gentle clatter of hooves entered within Balin’s hearing radius.

“My stars! Is that Balin Fundinson I see?”

The elder went to face the source of the glittery voice. “Donna!” He breathed, and approached the unicorn immediately. “You’ve grown more beautiful since last we met.” He complemented shyly.

It was evident that Donna the unicorn had aged. Her once long, luscious mane and tail were becoming matted. The curvatures of her spine and rib cage were easy to spot out now. The single horn, on top of her proud head, shined dully. It no longer functioned as her spotlight. But to Balin, she was still as beautiful as the day they first met.

“What are you doing here?” Donna asked, cocking her head to the side.

“I should be asking you the same thing.” The dwarf retorted. But the couple didn’t have time for chatter; there was an important deed to fulfill in conversation’s place. Donna understood the circumstance and led the dwarf behind a doorway of beaded curtains. The secluded area was covered in satin and silk fabric. Balin dubiously picked up a pink sheet, stained with blood.

“Oh don’t mind that sweet-heart.” The pale unicorn sighed. “It’s been as busy as hell lately. Nobody has time to clean up after themselves.”

“Then I better make it quick,” Balin mischievously smiled, and began to disrobe. Donna kneeled down, and the naked dwarf climbed on top of his steed. He began to hump her lower back and toyed with her tangled tail. The elder finally felt a spark within his normally limp penis, and cried out with delight.

“You’re finished already?”

“No my dear, I’ve only just begun.”

The dwarf’s heart rate sped up with his actions, and sweat collected within his beard. Balin continued to charge his flat erection by rubbing it, on Donna’s smooth haired body.

“Lay down.” He ordered the unicorn and jumped to the slippery floor. She crouched down and laid on her side. Between large huffs of oxygen, the elder rubbed his stiff cock on her bony legs, until his nervous system grabbed his attention. Balin’s orgasm was ready to burst. He rushed to Donna’s tail-side again, and inserted his finger-long erection into her cavernous vagina. His eyes rolled upwards, as he came with an incredible amount of force.

“Fuck!” The unicorn cried out. “Is that really you, candy cane dick?”

 

                Balin chuckled with gorgeous relief. He limped over to a round mattress that was tossed aside in the room. He was much too tuckered out to speak, and instead signalled Donna to insert her spiralling horn into his buttocks.

“Still like it in the ass, I see.” She murmured and dragged her body to the awaiting elder. Squeezing his eyes shut, Balin readied himself for impact. The unicorn rammed the smooth horn into his rectum all at once, and the dwarf lurched forward, squealing with satisfaction. Collapsing on to the mattress, he couldn’t help but giggle at the ordeal, and Donna joined in as well.

“My heavens!” He sighed. “That was a mighty fine fucking.”

“You’re welcome,” she hummed in reply.

Balin inched over to the unicorn’s face. “I think I’m falling in love with you.” He whispered. At that, Donna stood up on her fours and sneered.

“See, this is the reason I stopped doing you in the first place. Everything was going fine, and then you go on telling me stupid shit like that!”

The dwarf peered back into his mind and remembered that fateful night. He had even gone as far as presenting the unicorn, with a diamond ring.

“Never tell a prostitute you love her, Balin. That’s rule number one. That and, pay your dues.”

The dwarf prepared himself for departure and, rummaged through his pockets for payment. He quietly gasped as he felt a small box, meet his palm. “You are not going to like this.” He warned, and placed the item in front of Donna. “But it’s all I have to offer; I had no one else to give it to.”

The unicorn sighed; as the cube held the jewel he had proposed to her with all those years ago. She retrieved it anyway. “It would have never worked out baby.”

Balin kissed her muzzle in goodbye, and exited the room. When he approached the doorway of the club, he suddenly heard more hooves against the ground.

“Where do you think you’re going daddy-o?” a young unicorn simpered to the dwarf.

“Absolutely nowhere, darling.”

 

* * *

 

                “Aw fuck, my head is pounding!” Moaned the guard from last night to his friend.

“Yeah, but it was totally worth it!” The other snickered.

Suddenly, Balin walked into their view. “Hey, what are you doing out of the chambers so early?” They demanded.

“Just taking a little stroll, sirs.” He shuffled past them, and burrowed into the room he shared with the company.

“That old dwarf, he-“

“Smells like unicorn pussy.”


End file.
